The Way It Goes

I love to be alone. I need my me time to survive. It is one of the aspects of my identity that I am most proud of.

Growing up, I used to have a tough time being alone. I think I was always jealous of the people that constantly had plans and were always hanging out with someone. I thought I had to be doing that, too. I remember getting sad in my room at night in the beginning high school that I didn’t have that huge friend group ‘everyone’ had and I wasn’t out doing things like ‘everyone’ else.

I think this mindset started to change in college. My days would be so full of going to class, doing work, and seeing friends that I started to feel like I needed time to breathe and be alone for a bit every day. Constantly being around people and living in a dorm at the start of college can be so draining.

But, I remember the exact day where it clicked in my head that I am perfectly fine on my own, and that I am my own best friend. I will never forget this day.

At the end of sophomore year, I went through a breakup, and I struggled with the idea of not having a person to lean on. Looking back, I was too dependent on him – for happiness, for fun, for love. I needed to learn to depend on me. That summer, I went on an abroad program to Florence, Italy. I loved spending time walking around the city and getting a glass of wine and lunch by myself. I felt mature and started to really love spending time alone here.

On a day that I had off from class, I decided to take a day trip to San Gimignano, a little hill town in Tuscany about 2 hours from Florence. I took the train to the correct train stop, but when I got out of the station, I realized that the town was still 30 minutes away. I had not realized I still had to to take a bus to get there, which I did not know how to figure out. I texted my mom that I ran into this slight issue. She responded: It’s all part of the experience! Embrace the journey. That stuck with me.

For lunch, I found a little restaurant where you can order a wine and cheese tasting. I was sat at a small table looking over the hill. Again, I was mesmerized by the beauty. To my left was a grandma sitting with what must have been her kids and grandkids. I overheard her say something that I loved so much I still have it written down two years later:

“I love the sun, I love the view. I love just being here.”

After hearing that, I remember tearing up. I was so grateful to be able to experience a moment like this alone and to be able to travel around Europe at this age. This was the moment that it hit me. I love doing this! I love being alone! I am my best friend! It felt so good to finally feel free after being so dependent on someone for so long.

When I began to make my descent down the hill after hours of walking around, going in and out of churches, having the most delicious gelato, and some shopping, it started to pour. Normally I hate the rain. But this time I was embracing it. At the bus stop, I looked in the sky and was greeted with the most clear and bright rainbow. Seeing that at the end of such an impactful day just made everything seem right.

Learning to love being alone didn’t happen overnight, but now it’s one of the greatest gifts I’ve given myself. I still take myself out on little dates, like solo ski days in Vermont, where I spend hours on the mountain just me and my skis. I love the quiet, the freedom, and even the unexpected conversations I get to have with strangers on the chair lift. I’m not saying I don’t love being with friends or sharing special moments with people. But there’s something special about knowing I can enjoy my own company, wherever I am. That day in San Gimignano will always be a core memory, not just because of the views or the wine or the rainbow, but because it was the day I realized I’m enough. Just me. And honestly? That feels pretty damn good.

And that’s the way it goes,

-Lids